


(and i feel fine)

by unluckywords



Category: Fallout (Video Games), Fallout 4
Genre: "god i hate slowburn stories" i say as i write a slowburn story, Gen, Slight Canon Divergence, also some canon stuff doesnt jive with me so ya know, anyways its as good as a loose novelization, but uh, dont count on me being consistant
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-12-13
Updated: 2016-01-04
Packaged: 2018-05-06 11:18:53
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 9,913
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5414843
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/unluckywords/pseuds/unluckywords
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>(title stolen from that one R.E.M song)</p><p>She's scared and alone two hundred years in the future, widowed, and searching for a son she isn't even sure is alive. Could be worse.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. a great white or a meteorite

**Author's Note:**

> i dont know what im doing im fifteen and what is this

Salem stumbled forward onto her knees, gasping and wheezing as her makeshift coffin swung open, her body numb with artificial cold that pushed needles through her fingertips and chest aching with the fear from being trapped inside Vault-Tec's special kind of hell for who knows how long. From Nate, shot dead protecting their son. Nate, her dearest friend. Her husband.

Salem keeled further, knees under her chest and forehead pressing hard on her balled fists. A sob wracked through her and a hot tears slipped down her face, mussing the makeup she'd spent an hour on earlier in the day, when everything was simple. If only she'd died with the rest in their pods. Salem breathed out a sigh, one hand coming to wipe away the freezing dops of water that now dripped down her face from the frost that was now melting off her body. But she was alive, life was never that simple, and warmth that had once again begun to course her body reminded her of this. Salem forced herself to stand on weak, shaking legs that felt like they'd give any second. 

She glanced about, eyes scanning the wall to wall chambers still packed with bodies in ice. She could barely see the faces of her neighbors through the frost on the windows without stepping closer, something she had no intent to do; unwilling to risk the sight of someone she'd cared for. Instead, she looked forward to see what she'd hoped was just a dream. She blinked away the worst of her tears and brought her gaze forward, coming face to face with the reflection of herself that overlapped Nate's terrified face, and found that she had a choice to make. Salem slumped down to the floor, back pressing against the cold panels her pod, and closed her eyes.

“I’ll find who did this.” The words pushed past her lips like a prayer, breathy and desperate, said more for her own comfort than for a dead man's.

Several more moments were spent in the company of only her own heaving breaths before Salem moved from her position, having managed to surpress her greif for at least the moment. “And I’ll bring Shaun home. I promise.” Then she stood again, the tremble not yet gone but fainter now, and left the chamber of corpses in their wrappings.

She tried calling out at first, only receiving the echo of her cracked voice in return. Assuming herself alone, she walked further, searching for anything to fill her in on what happened to the world while she was asleep. What had happened to her family.

Instead, she finds a gun. Never in her life had she handled a real gun, only the ones that the Zoo made her learn to use that shot darts loaded with sedative for when animals escaped their enclosures. She checks the safety and puts in fresh rounds before continuing, hands shaking with responsibility. With each step taken away from the frozen room Nate slips further from her mind. All Salem needs is to be free of this crypt, vengeance can come later, after her own survival.

Survival. The word sticks in her head like a dart as she steps over a skeleton to access a terminal. Evidently that wasn’t part of Vault-Tec’s plan when they put people down here.

“What the hell happened…?” she whispered to no one. “Am I the only survivor in the whole vault?” Salem settled down and began browsing through the Overseer’s documents.

“Oh no.” Once again tears started to fall as she navigated away from the pages. “Oh no no no, please don’t tell me they all starved to death waiting out the war.” The bodies she saw were clean bones in clothing that was turning to dust, clearly left for years after dying. That would have taken…

Salem wracked her brain for the information needed, but her anatomy lessons were from a long time ago, in another life.

“Shit…” Salem leaned back in her chair, fingers laced into her hair and palms over her eyes, a headache ebbing at the corners of her mind. Ten years, she’d decided eventually. It had to have been at least that long for people to be totally decomposed like this after the food ran out. Not to mention the roaches level of irradiation. The tell-tale tightening of her chest into a panic attack came quickly after her thoughts came.

“Okay…” Carefully, she regulated her breathing into a calm rhythm. “Okay. You’re no good when you’re panicked, you gotta calm down.” Heart racing but hands steadied she stood from the chair and hoisted her pistol again.

“There’s gotta be a way out, if the Overseer thought people would try to leave…” She reasoned, the soft sound of her own voice soothing in such a desperate situation. Creeping through hallways and killing off whatever came in her way for what seemed like an eternity Salem finally came to a new area, one which was composed of metal walkways above empty air and massive doors rusted away by time.

Going further she found a control panel. VAULT DOOR CONTROL shouted at her in faded red letters over unreadable black text, indicating to a covered button. A cracked laugh rang out, echoing in the dim corridor as she fumbled to try to open it.

The universe must be playing a trick on her. Her, the only survivor of the whole vault, who’d found her way here past the horrible mutated remnants of her world, who couldn’t open the doors outside.

Salem screamed.

“Are you fucking kidding me!?” In a fit of rage she fired at the case enclosing the button. The bullet ricocheted and fired off into the dark behind her. This startled her enough to dull a portion of her anger.

“Bull fucking shit.” She huffed. “One of these guys had to have had a key or a…” Her eyes fell to one skeleton tucked underneath the panel, like he’d been hiding in his last moments, and what adorned his wrist. “A Pip-Boy.” A slight smile formed, despite not knowing what she’d face outside, if the doors still even worked.

With every ounce of bravado still in her Salem clicked the device onto her arm, gasping when the needle used to read her vitals pushed into her arm, and popped the device that would set her free from her wrist and slamming it into it's slot. The case flipped open almost instantly and the button was pressed just as quickly.

“Vault door cycling sequence initiated. Please stand back.” The robotic voice rang out, but all Salem heard was angels singing just for her. She watched the walkway slide into position, then followed it out onto the same platform that she’d been dropped down here on with eager anticipation.

She ducked under the elevator gate as it rose, and gazed upwards with wide eyes as she ascended in the moments after, watching as ten tons of steel opened to daylight for the first time in 200 years.


	2. ash and dust

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i saw the comments when i woke up this morning and cried yall are far too kind

The doors groaned and parted, the sunlight that poured through blinding Salem as she came to ground level. She took in the blue sky that dominated her vision all at once as the heat radiating down from the rising sun banished the cold from her bones. To soak up the sunshine after being locked away in an icy tomb felt divine.

Once the skin on her face had begun to burn though, Salem knew she had to move. She did so slowly and methodically, tracing her steps back to her neighborhood’s ruins through rubble and scattered skeletons; rubbing the feeling back into her limbs and allowing the sights and sounds of the new world around her to sink in. The sound of crows gossiping in the bare trees that lined the deserted road provided no small comfort to her, a reminder that the world hadn’t completely burned when the bombs dropped or corrupted with the aftermath. Life had still found a way. So would she.

She entered Sanctuary Hills with silent steps, unsure of who or what would be inside. For a moment Salem thought herself alone as she ambled down the barren avenue, examining vacant shells that once were beautiful homes and making her way towards her own before a familiar robotic gasp met her ears.

“Codsworth?” As she turned to face him the Mr. Handy unit floated towards her engines whirring loudly with a a great deal of what could only be assumed to be enthusiasm.

“As I live and breathe!” Salem couldn’t help but break into a grin at the sight of something so familiar in an alien world.

“It’s really you! After all this time you came back! Now where is the Sir? Still in the vault?” Salem stiffened and felt tears well again and her smile drop. She gripped at the sleeves of her vault suit and fumbled for a minute, looking for words.

“Gone. I mean, H-he he, uh, th-they-” a small hiccupy sob broke her words before she could collect herself. “Nate g-got shot, Codsworth…” The robot was silent for a moment, watching the tears drip down his master’s flushed face, which she wiped at embarrassedly with her sleeves.

“Ah, these, these terrible things you’re saying, they must be from hunger-induced paranoia!” Codsworth concluded in a tone sugar coated with artificial cheer. “Not eating right for 200 years will do that.” Salem choked out a gasp, oh man she was way off when she decided on ten years.

“T-two hundred?” She stared at him, gaping and speechless. That couldn't be right, Codsworth must have been malfunctioning. The world couldn't have not been rebuilt after two centuries, right?

“A bit over two hundred and ten actually, give or take accounting for changes in the Earth’s rotation and minor dings to the old chronometer.” This _was_ really happening. Everything Salem had ever known was gone, even if it did survive the bombs.

“Is anyone still alive?” Codsworth hummed thoughtfully.

“There are usually people in Concord, but that’s no place for a mother and her family. Speaking of which, how is young Shaun?” She frowned.

“He, uh,-” Salem’s voice cracked and all she could think was 'here we go again with the on-and-off breakdowns, maybe not everything has changed'. “The people who killed Nate, t-they took Shaun away.” The robot was silent for a moment before speaking in a voice that barely seemed to hold together.

“What you need is a distraction! Something to-”

“Codsworth.” Salem intervened with a stern tone, resolving to push her own distress to the side: at least for a time. She wasn’t sure exactly how sentient a Mr. Handy was past their will to serve but Codsworth was obviously close to a mental break. He’d always been sensitive. “Are you alright?” The oculars on Codsworth’s arms constricted to tiny specks before he cried out.

“It’s been horrible! No one to serve or talk to for two hundred years!” Salem almost hugged him. “I spent the first _ten years_ trying to keep the floors waxed, but nothing gets nuclear fallout from vinyl wood, nothing! And don’t get me started on the futility of trying to dust a collapsed house.” Salem reached out, almost going to comfort him before remembering the general lack of touch a robot needs. “And the car! The car! How do you polish rust?!” He wailed. She took a step back, unsure of what would come after the outburst.

“Stay with me, bud.” Salem tried, hoping for the best. Codsworth took a deep breath, in any sense that he could, held out a holotape to Salem.

“I thought for certain you and the family were… were dead. You left in such a hurry and then the bombs came.” Salem took the holotape and examined it with gentle fingers. “But I did find that holotape after you left. I believe the Sir was going to present it to you. As a surprise. But then, well… everything ‘happened’.” Salem managed a weak smile when she saw the words 'Hi, Honey!’ scrawled across the back of the cartridge in the fading black ink of Nate’s familiar print.

“Thank you, Codsworth. Do you know what’s on it?”

“My etiquette protocols would not allow me to play it, but any standard holotape reading device should be able to play it back, like that Pip-Boy you have there.” Salem glanced at the device on her arm, bringing it up and rubbing a thumb over the dusty screen.

She wasn't sure if she wanted to play it. Hearing Nate's voice again when she knows for a fact he's gone might be too much.

'This is already too much.' She thinks, knees about to drop from under her when Codsworth speaks again.

“Now. Enough feeling sorry for myself. Shall we search the neighborhood together? The Sir and young Shaun may turn up yet.” Salem rubbed a hand over her face, surely rubbing away whatever semblance remained of her makeup into grey smudges.

“Yeah, okay. Lead the way.” Maybe he's right about needing a distraction.

So they did, scouring the neighborhood for anything helpful and killing whatever mutations they came across.

“Pests have become such a hassle.” Codsworth idly commented at one point.

“Understated as always, Codsworth.” Salem had replied, smashing down one of the flies with a table leg she’d found nearby. Her anguish faded to numbness with each repeated action and she almost wished for more things to come creeping out of the houses to attack her.

But as the sun rose high into the sky, they were done. Every house scoured and eyes kept open for any signs of people.

“That wasn’t particularly helpful.” Salem huffed, yanking her previously carefully styled hair back into a braid. This wasn’t entirely true, and she knew that. She was far calmer than earlier in the day and the little 'expedition' had led her to a few stashes of ammo inside the houses, but she had nothing that pointed her towards Shaun.

“Well, I suppose since the lad isn’t with you, it would be fine for you to go to Concord.” Codsworth suggested as they made their way back to the husk of what was once the Hale household. Salem nodded.

“It’s just past the old Red Rocket station, yeah?” She tried not to picture how either location may have come to look like after 200 years.

“Indeed, but do be safe out there. People these days are positively barbaric.” With a smile, Salem nodded and promised she would. Even if the world was in shambles it felt good to have someone that cared.

She moved out hastily after that, spending only a few moments to assure that she had plenty of compatible ammo, wary of being caught alone in the dark. Old world habits that serve a very different purpose now, she figured. Hopefully.

She reached the Red Rocket station in good time without encountering anything too horrific, only coming across the body of a man and what she took to be some sort of mutated canine along the way. She tried not to look for too long.

She had only just stepped into the empty garage and begun to look around when she was dragged back outside by a startled yelp. Outside the station a German Shepard was being attacked by some awful, pink monstrosities that she assumed were another byproduct of the fallout. Not trusting her aim to be good enough for her not to hit the dog, she picked off the mole rats around it that seemed to pour from holes in the ground and hoped it would be able to take care of the few that seemed more focused on it than her.

Salem thanked her lucky stars when it proved that it clearly had the ability to and thanked them again when it didn’t use that ability to attack her when she approached it, just a few steps outside the door.

“Hey, buddy…” She held out her hand, far away from her body, for the dog to sniff and crouched down to it’s level. It didn’t show any of the signs of aggression she was familiar with, so she figured it would be friendly enough to pet. “Did you lose your owner?” It stepped forward and pressed against her chest with a whimper. With the fear of being attacked passed she rubbed the dog’s head and neck, comforting it and checking for a collar, finding none before it pulled away and began to walk off.

“Where are you going, pooch?” It paused and looked back at her, as if to tell her to follow. Fuck it, Salem decided as she stood and dusted herself off. It was going down the road to Concord anyways, it couldn’t hurt to have a guard dog with her.

As they walked the dog showed time and time again that was excellent and taking care of the giant insects that now populated the land, leaving her to wonder if it had been trained for the task, something that Salem truly hoped for. If someone could expend the time to teach an animal to work with them, then must be some remnant of civilization left.

That hope died when she stepped into the ruins of Concord.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> title nabbed from radioactive by imagine dragons
> 
> and i just wanted to answer thecrimsonnote's queston, yeah! salem worked as a zookeeper and vet tech at the Boston Zoo pre-war and has a lot of knowlege on animals and anatomy that could serve her well in the wasteland (though she probably wouldnt try anything with a deathclaw, too much of a scaredy cat)


	3. how am i gonna be an optimist about this

Gunshots and shouting echoed faintly to Concord’s city limits.

“Why does this not surprise me?” She griped, glancing down at the dog who looked up at her. “People survived the goddamn Judgement Day and they’re still shooting everything that moves.” Dogmeat, as she would learn his name is later, whined and she responded with a soft pat on the head.

“Don’t worry about a thing, bud. We can probably sneak past em’." He panted and wagged his tail appreciatively, following Salem away from the main street and into the back alleys. Familiar yet alien to her, Salem moved carefully through the narrow streets towards the sounds of fighting, keeping a row of buildings between them and her at all times, thinking of the sad irony of surviving 200 years in a million-to-one type scenario; only to be shot and killed by the first people you meet. She swallowed hard, nearing the church at the end of the street. She ducked down behind the rusty chassis of an ancient car, watching and waiting to see what type of people she was about to meet.

Dogmeat had other plans. When one Raider approached the car where they hid, sure that he’d seen something move behind it, he made his move, sinking his teeth into a hard leather arm piece and dragging a the man down. Salem gasped aloud.

"Dog! No!” The Raider raised his free arm to fire off a shot at her, missing narrowly and shattering the window of the car. Salem gaped for a moment as the man shouted for help. Then, moving purely on instinct, put a bullet in his head.

Though she could hear more people nearby Salem was frozen where she stood, watching blood pool under the corpse and run through the black through the cracked asphalt.

“Oh God, oh God… I…” Salem's heart thundered in her ears, and her limbs felt weak. She had just _killed_ someone. Actually murdered another human being. Dogmeat dashed from protective stance besides her, and Salem was jolted back to reality. He was hurtling towards two other people who were standing near the entrance to the Museum of Freedom, taking potshots at the balcony above and ignoring her.

No… Salem squinted a bit over the round rims of her dusty glasses, not moving out from behind the car yet. A person, not just the balcony. Back with the Raiders, Dogmeat yelped in pain and Salem was thrown into action, running from cover at the sound and taking the leg out on one raider; allowing Dogmeat to finish it while the person on the balcony disintegrated the other.

“Here! On the balcony! I’ve got a group of settlers inside! The Raiders are almost through the door! Grab that laser musket and help us!” The trapped man shouted down to her. “Please!” Salem’s heart hurt to hear the pain in his voice, but didn’t know what to do. In a moment of good faith she followed the dog to the door, picking up the new weapon and the scattered cartridges of what she assumed to be it’s ammunition as she went and stepped inside.

The gunshots were louder now, just a level or two above her and echoing wildly as the man who’d shouted to her and the people he’d called raiders exchanged shots though a window overhead.

Thankfully, both groups ignored her entirely as she slipped into another room off to the side, wherein the shouting mannequins nearly did her in before the Raiders could. They spoke and she leapt, startled  into firing off a shot blindly, one that eviscerated a nearby stack of boxes into steaming ash. For a moment she could only stare at the carnage.

“Good lord, what have I gotten into?” She whined softly, stalking further into the museum on the heels of her canine companion. He led her to the other side of the main gate, one she’d assumed to be locked, and into the fray again. The man on the stairs in the room shot at her and she shot back, her aim poor but managing to clip him enough for the laser gun to do it’s work and reduce him to ashes. Though it weighed no easier on her conscience, not having to see a body definitely allowed Salem to focus on the task at hand.

She and Dogmeat moved together, obliterating anyone who got in their way and slowly but surely making their way upstairs. Upstairs, towards someone who she didn’t know would be kind enough not to kill her. Salem swallowed the thought and froze on the last flight of stairs when a voice, far gruffer than the one who called to her, rang out.

“I’m comin’ in there, and I’m gonna skin every last one of you.” Salem gritted her teeth and cranked the musket to an angry red glow. She may not know who she’s saving, but she had few reservations about who she’s killing.

“Sonofabitch.” She mumbled, and moved quickly. She couldn’t comprehend in any sense why a person would be so horrible as to not only hunt another, but to taunt them in doing so. The other man called him back, and they sauntered out into the hall that Salem waited at the end of. “You hear that? I gotta go take a little walk. But I’ll be back, as you’ll be dead!” She cracked one in the face with the stock of her gun as he rounded the corner, and let Dogmeat pull the other down for her to disintegrate. Moral rage was a helluva thing.

But the anger faded fast, and then there was just her and whoever had called out to her from the balcony.

Was she about to walk into a death trap? For a moment she hesitated, dawdling about the hallway on her side of the wall

“Inside!” He called, and the dog barked happily; going for the room instantly. Salem followed slowly. Her footsteps echoed loud, far too loud in an all but empty building.

The man at the terminal payed her no attention as she entered, but every other eye in the room was on her.

“Man, I don’t know who you are, but your timings impeccable.” She looked at the man who’d spoken to her on the balcony with wide eyes. He looked nothing like the people she’d encountered lower in the museum, who’d been dressed in rags and covered themselves with scrap metal and masks, where as he was dressed in soft leathers and relatively colorful fabrics. To say Salem was relieved to see someone friendly looking would be to say Orpheus was ‘only kind of into’ Eurydice.

“Preston Garvey, Commonwealth Minuteman.” She blinked, had he just called himself a Minuteman? As is, ready in a minute to defend the colony from the British kind of Minuteman? Ironic, given the accommodations, but she suppressed a comment.

“Right, um, glad to help, but I feel like that word might mean something different to me than it does to you.” He glanced at her dirty vault suit, then back up at her. He seemed to understand the confusion.

“ 'Protect the people at a minute’s notice.’ ” Salem was surprised, maybe it did mean the same thing. “That was the idea. Wanted to make a difference. And I did, but… things fell apart. Now it looks like I’m the last Minuteman standing.” Suddenly the gun felt heavy in her hands, the man outside she’d picked it from wore the same uniform Preston did.

“So…” She tried to keep her gaze level with his, but ended up glued to the floor boards. “Who’s, uh, still with you?” He turned away to look at the few people scattered about the room.

“Just folks lookin’ for a new home, a fresh start.” Salem thought briefly about asking to stay with the little group, but knew she had to stay focused. “I’ve been with 'em since Quincy. Lexington looked good for a while, but the Ghouls drove us outta there.” 'The Ghouls'? What in God's name was that, a gang? A colloquialism for some post-war horror? Salem felt faint. “A month ago there were twenty of us. Yesterday there were eight. Now, we’re five. It’s just me, the Longs - Marcy and Jun - that’s old Mama Murphy on the couch. And this here’s Sturges.” He gestured to the man still hunched over a tiny screen, who gave a half-hearted greeting.

“What’s a ghoul?” The words left Salem’s mouth before she could stop them.

“Wow, you really aren’t from around here are you?” Salem resisted the urge to roll her eyes. She assumed he’d picked up on that already. “Ghouls are… irradiated people. Most are just like you and me. They look pretty messed up and live a long time, but are still just people. The ones I’m talking about are different. The radiation’s rotted their brains so that as soon you looked at them they’d tear you apart.” Salem was horrified to think that she’d almost been stuck in that kind of radiation, if the bombs wouldn’t have killed her. “Anyway, we figured Concord would be a safe place to settle. Those raiders proved us wrong. But… well, we do have one idea.” And of course, being the dammed optimist she is, Salem leaned forward with enthralled intent.

“That being?” She could have sworn a smiled flicked across his face, just for a moment.

“Sturges? Tell her.” The man at the terminal stood straight and turned to face them.

“There’s an old, pre-war vertibird up on the roof. You mighta seen it. One of it’s passengers left behind a seriously sweet goody.” Salem arched a brow at his tone, coming from such a dire situation. “We’re talkin’ a full suit of cherry T-45 power armor, military issue.”

“Aaaaaand?” She hoped to God this was not going where she thought it was.

“Inside that baby, super is the new normal. You’ll be stronger, tougher, resistant to rads, and-” Sturges paused for dramatic effect. “You’ll be able to grab the mini-gun right off the vertibird. You can give those raiders an express ticket to Hell. Ya’ dig?” Of course. Of course that’s what they wanted.

“Right, guess that’s my best option right now.”

“It’ll work.” He assured. “Provided we can re-activate the suit. It’s totally out of juice, probably has been for a hundred years.” The sharp reminder of times passing made Salem feel ill. “It can be powered up again, but we’re a bit stuck.”

“Solution?” Preston took over from there.

“You’ll need a pre-war FC, a standardized fusion core. They’re long lasting-”

“Yeah, I know. Where can I find one though?” The last thing Salem needed was an explanation of something she’d been around her whole life.

“We can’t get to the damn thing is the issue.” She faced Sturges again. “It’s in the basement, locked behind a security gate.” Again, she resisted the urge to roll her eyes. Had that really been the only thing in their way? “Look, I fix stuff. I tinker. Bypassing security isn’t exactly my forte. You could give it a shot.” That was exactly what she intended to do.

“Be right back, then.” As she left for the lower levels she could hear Preston talking to Sturges.

“Maybe our lucks finally turning around. Once she has the core in the armor and grabs the mini-gun, those Raiders will know the picked the wrong fight.” She almost felt bad for being so terse with him.

She stopped feeling bad when she reached the gate.

“Are you fuckin’ kidding me?” She asked aloud, hoping they couldn’t hear her from upstairs. The only thing between her and the core was a metal security door, secured by a terminal lock, which Salem blew clean off with a shot from her laser musket. She had it in hand and trudged back up to the group.

“So… how to I get to the suit?” Preston pointed her towards the door at the far end of the room.

“Right through there, Miss.” Salem almost cringed. 'Miss’ wasn’t exactly a title that suited her, though she appreciated the politeness.

“Uh, Salem. My name is Salem if you’d call me that.” She left the room before he could argue. She’d become far too accustomed to being stopped at every point when talking with men.

Salem paused when she reached the caved room. The power suit was imposing to say the least. Salem could have sworn she spent at least hour just standing around before putting the core in. She hesitated again before stepping inside.

“Here goes everything.” The suit was snug around her, not uncomfortably so but just enough to make her feel claustrophobic. “Let’s get this over with.” She breathed to herself, tearing the mini-gun from it’s holdings with shaky hands and jumping down to ground level. Though her instincts told her to run for cover, she kept moving forward, mowing Raiders down left and right as Preston shot them down from the balcony. It seemed to be over before it had even begun, adrenaline sending the world into fast motion. A sense of pride wormed it’s way through the tightness in her chest in the moment of silence that followed her victory.

Soft laughter then worked itself from her lips as she turned back to face Preston.

“I did it!” Her helmet muffled the words, so she ended up just gesturing with one arm to show him that she was fine. In a split second that changed, Salem saw his expression change from cheer to wide-eyed fear and Dogmeat sprinting back to the museum, then she was flat on her back fifteen feet from where she’d been standing.

The suit protested audibly, limbs creaking and meters beeping at her, as she stood up to face whatever had attacked her.

“What the hell is that!?” She wailed, coming face to face with the deathclaw for the first time. It roared and she opened fire, which at first seemed to be as good as swatting it with a newspaper. It swung at her with massive claws mounted on long muscular limbs that knocked her about like nothing and tore straight into the metal with each hit. This left her to slowly back up towards the museum, struggling to stay on her feet and keep firing. The beast’s blows were being slowed with each bullet that tore into it, but it was taking too long, and Salem didn’t think the armor would hold. Then, just as she thought it would might give up and and run away without a meal, and she felt her heels connect with the museum steps, everything went quiet. Salem’s firing had stopped, she had run out of ammo. She felt tears run hot lines down her face in the few agonizing seconds of mutual confusion.

Salem sobbed aloud when it picked her up. She was thrown like she weighed no more than a bag of flour back into the middle of the avenue, stuck on her stomach with her power armor too damaged to move. She felt the beast step over her to stand with it’s feet at her head, hot breath somehow able to permeate through the layers of metal and pour down her back as it swung a massive hand down and tore the outermost plate away, leaving only a frame between her back and death. Then as it tore the frame away everything went white hot. It’s claws ripped her back open, just narrowly missing her spine. Yet Salem couldn’t scream. There was no pain, only numbness as her vision began to fade to black and she turned her head to look up at her killer through tear filled eyes. Jaws opened wide to show bloodstained teeth, it leaned down, trying to find an angle to crack her helmet open. Then, Preston fired, now down on street level. One solid shot through the roof of it’s mouth sent it reeling back from the damage, then charging the museum with an open mouth full of gore. Another took it down.

But Salem was still bleeding out in the middle of the street, senses dripping away with her lifeblood.

Everything was far too dulled and blurry for her tell you how long she stayed there afterwards, though she’d say it would have only taken a few minutes for her to bleed out from an injury so severe, but just in time someone, she’d always say it was Preston just for the sake of giving a name to an action, had jammed a stimpack into her ribs and pulled her from the armor. With her last few moments of consciousness she registered that at some point during the fighting it had turned to night, and that she was being lifted up from the ground. As she was carried off her head lolled back, and her eyes fixed on the stars overhead. She’d never seen them so bright before the war. The sight put a strange sense of glee into Salem. Through the tears and the pain she smiled to herself.

If she lived through tonight, then nothing in the world could stop her from finding Shaun and giving him the best life imaginable.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> title from that one bastille song, and thank you guys for reading this so far


	4. in good health and good time

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so this was meant to be up by new years but im not good at existing

Salem woke with a start, chest heaving and tears making trails on her dusty cheeks. Something in her mind still thought she was about to die.

“Mum? Oh, good! You’re awake!” Codsworth floated closer to the trembling woman, a stimpack clasped in one ‘hand’. He moved to stick her with it but Salem scrambled away, despite the painful protest her body put up.

“W-what..? How did I..?” She rasped, staring around the destroyed room she was laid in with great confusion. Codsworth tsked softly and moved back.

“Mum, you must let me do this. I’m no doctor but you were injured so horrendously in Concord that we weren’t even sure you would make it.” The Vault. Nate and Danny. Shaun. Concord, The Minuteman and his settlers, and… Salem tried to think back to what had put her in such a state.

“That monster thing? I thought the armor would protect me…” Codsworth said nothing, leaving the room still and quiet until movement behind her sent Salem into a brief tizzy, only to see it was the Minuteman. He must have been who brought me back here, Salem thought gratefully.

“You’re awake?” He asked. Salem nodded and wiped the lingering tears from her face. No need for anyone to see that, she supposed.

“I am, and you’re uh, Preston? Yeah?” He nodded and stepped in from the doorway with a respectful nod.

“I’m sorry for almost getting you killed, but you saved all of us back there, so thank you. Do you feel alright?” For a moment she just gaped in surprise, genuine concern was in short supply before the bombs dropped so this was something of a marvel to her.

Salem moved to speak after that, to thank him or maybe just to end the silence, but couldn’t find the words. Codsworth filled in the space for her.

“She’s healed up considerably well, Mister Garvey. Thanks to you bringing her back here.” Salem glanced around the room, realizing she was back in her own home despite it being blurry with lack of glasses, then cut Preston off as he opened his mouth to speak.

“So what was that? It was, like, invisible at first…” He sighed. Salem shifted on the ruined couch to get comfortable, difficult to do with her still healing injuries.

“That was a deathclaw, and I’m surprised you managed to take it out, if what Codsworth said was true about you.” She paused and looked at Codsworth.

“How much did you tell him?” It wasn’t accusatory, but Salem had some reservations about a man she considered a stranger knowing her whole story so far.

“Not much, mum. My etiquette protocols didn’t allow for anything past who you are and why you’re here.” She nodded.

“Alrighty then.” She spoke briskly and stood up stiffly, only to note her lack of proper clothing. She’d lost her vault suit and was left in the track shorts and ratty t-shirt that she’d kept underneath when she changed. The latter of which was in ribbons over her back, shredded from the attack and covered in dried blood but clearly never removed, a great relief to her. Regardless it was hardly appropriate clothing to go out questing in.

“Uh…” She looked over to Preston. “I’d imagine you took it off to patch me up, but can I have my jumpsuit back?” He moved to speak but was cut off as Codsworth filled the gap between them, both having to jump back to avoid his limbs.

“I have it right here, Mum! Mended, cleaned, and ready for wear.” He pulled the article from a compartment inside himself and handed it to her in one smooth movement. On top of it lay her glasses, completely unscathed.

“Oh! Thank you, Codsworth.” She smiled and set the cool metal frames back on her face, then looked past him to Preston who was still stood awkwardly near the door.

“So, uh… After I get dressed would you mind answering some questions for me? I’ve only been out of the vault for a few hours and haven’t been able to see much outside Concord and the neighborhood.” His eyes widened slightly at her statement, surprised that she’d been able to handle the Raiders after such a short time outside. Unaware of these thoughts, Salem worried there might be a stigma against people from vaults that she’d just brought upon herself.

“Of course, whenever you’re ready.” He assured before turning tail to leave. Salem watched him walk down the empty street through the broken windows, until he was out of sight, before beginning the arduous task of removing her shirt and putting putting the rough fabric back on over her still healing wounds.

The legs were easy enough, but it was hard not to flinch away or cry out every time the seams of the newly stitched fabric brushed over raw or healing skin. Salem managed however, eventually getting outside to meet Preston again.

He stood at the other end of the street, speaking to the old woman he’d called… Salem wracked her brain for the information from their first conversation. Missy Murphy? Something like that. She decided not to mention it to Preston, who noticed her and met her halfway to him.

“Hey, is now a good time?” It took a weight off his shoulders to see her up and about again, though he saw no reason to tell her that.

“Of course, so what did you want to know?” Salem blew out a breath, then gave a short almost-laugh.

“Uh,” She used hand ran through the soft red tangles of her hair, a nervous habit of hers. “Everything? But, like, abridged maybe?” He gave something of a smile at her less than serious tone.

“That’s a lot more than you’d think, but there’s only a few things you really need to know.” Salem stepped a bit closer, she knew she couldn’t afford to miss anything.

And she didn’t, taking in every detail he gave her about the Commonwealth as it was now called, it’s inhabitants, and how to survive the both of them.

“-Lastly, do not drink any of the water that isn’t from a purifier. That’ll turn you to a ghoul like that.” He snapped his fingers and Salem breathed out hard, repeating her earlier gesture, mussing her already messy bangs further.

“I… Shit. That’s a lot to have gone wrong, even in two hundred years.” He froze and it took Salem an embarrassingly long moment of exchanging confused looks to realize why.

“You’re pre-war? How?” Vault-Tec fuckery that ruined my damn life is how, Garvey, she snapped mentally before hushing the thought. He was nice to you, you be nice to him, Salem.

“Well… I, uh, got frozen for what was apparently two hundred years, and woke up yesterday. Walked around a bit then met you.” Her voice held a slight tremble, but maintained the casualness she’d been aiming for.

“So the vault is nearby? Is anyone else still inside?” Salem shook her head.

“No, I don’t think so but, uh…” She swallowed hard on the lump in her throat, unable to meet his eyes. “My son, Shaun, was taken from the vault just before I got out. I’m trying to find him. We were the only two survivors.”

“Damn. I’m sorry.” They were both silent for a moment, neither knowing what to say.

“If there’s anything that I could help you with, to find him, I would…” Salem looked up, then smiled slightly with the idea that people still had something good in them after all that’s happened.

“I mean, I have no idea what I’m even going to do, but do you have any idea where someone might end up?” He nodded, glad to provide some sort of repayment for what she’d done for him.

“If I were you, I would head down to Diamond City. If people turn up after being kidnapped, that’s usually where they turn up.” As grateful as she was for the information, the 'if’ planted the first seed of doubt in her mind.

“Thank you, so much.” He shrugged off the gratitude.

“Not a problem ma'am, do you know the way?” Salem shook her head.

“I don’t suppose you have a map?” This earned another slight smile and Salem’s felt like she’d been socked in the stomach, she shouldn’t be making jokes; she should be mourning. What the hell is wrong with her?

“No, but if you walk south from here into the wasteland for a while you’ll be able to see the Boston skyline from ten miles away. Inside the city just follow the signs. Completely un-missable.” She nodded.

“I guess that’s it then… Thanks for not letting me die, and stuff. I’ll see you around if you’re still here when I come back.” He tipped his hat in a gesture of 'goodbye’ and Salem headed out.

She got to the end of the block before being called back.

“Wait, your bag!” She turned back at the end of block to see Preston moving towards her, a bag with the gun she’d picked up outside the museum strapped to it in hand. Salem wanted smack herself in the head for forgetting.

“Wa..? Was I about to leave without a gun?” He nodded and held it out to her.

“Yeah, that would have been really bad.” She took it gingerly from him and lifted the single strap over her head.

“It’s heavy… What’s inside?” He glanced over his shoulder to where Codsworth floated about the hedges of Salem’s old home.

“Your, uh, friend over there…”

“Codsworth.” She supplied.

“Codsworth, he has an internal water purifier and there are a few bottles inside. I also put some caps and a few extra fusion cells inside as a thank you for saving us. The holotape you had is inside too.” Salem smiled, she wasn’t expecting much when she walked into Concord but ended up meeting someone kinder than most, even before the war.

“Thank you, Preston.” As she made the move to finally leave, Codsworth floated into the conversation.

“Mum?” He began gently. “Do please be careful out there, I… I don’t know what I would do if I lost you again.” Salem gave the robot a reassuring pat on a less rusted panel of his body.

“I’ll be okay, Codsworth. Don’t worry. Besides you won’t be alone.” Salem turned to Preston who still lingered nearby. “You and the settlers are staying here? Right?” He nodded and she faced Codsworth again. “You can stay here and help out with whatever these folks need until I get back.”

“It would be my honor, Mum. Good luck finding the lad.” They then parted ways, a strange sort of sadness settling in Salem’s chest as she crossed the bridge out of her neighborhood's ruins.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> song of the day - good riddance (time of your life) by green day  
> also hmu on tumblr if that suits your fancy --> unlucky-words.tumblr.com


	5. sinking like a stone

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> warnings for suicidal thoughts and mild self harm this chapter, ill post a summary in the end notes so you dont have to read it in detail if you still want to keep up

Hours later and a few miles out from Sanctuary Hills, the severity of the situation set in. Everything she’d seen so far falling into place like some kind of horribly depressing jigsaw puzzle.

Salem glanced around with wide eyes, having stopped dead in her tracks. She tried to take in the destroyed landscape and barren trees, the miles and miles of it for as far as the eye could see, grey and beige bordering a dim sky. Tried to understand how she could have ended up alone in all of it. Tried to comprehend that she’d lost everyone she’d ever known in an instant that lasted her two centuries.

Salem moved off the road into the surrounding sands and slid down onto the ground against a bent sign post, arms wrapping protectively around her chest. She’d really lost everything. Tears came again, running hot down her face.

“Oh God, Nate… I’m so sorry…” She whimpered. “I don’t know how I’m gonna fix this one.” Her fingers closed into a white knuckled grip, one sure to leave dark bruises in its wake.

“How’d you fuck up so bad this time, fucking bitch…” She forced out the words like they hurt, tears pouring down her face as her nails dug through the thin fabric of her vault suit to leave welts on the skin underneath. Dogmeat barked urgently to stop her, but Salem couldn’t hear him over the roar of blood in her ears. “God…can’t even die right…” She relinquished the hold on her arms to reach into her boot, feeling for the lighter or knife that usually resided there. When neither were available, the deer horn handle of her pocketknife that was inside too far down to pull free, she dug her nails into the skin of her ankle and pulled up, leaving a set of angry red lines up her calf. “Can’t even fuckin’…” Dogmeat whimpered sadly, pressing his cool nose against her ruddy cheek, and the anger drained out of her. Salem’s limbs felt weak, and her hands shook something fierce as she wiped at her tears.

“’m sorry.” She wasn’t sorry for hurting herself, but felt bad for distressing Dogmeat so much. She reached out to pet him, bringing the dog closer to her body. “I’m so fucking sorry…” She sobbed into his neck. “I just can’t believe all of this is real.” One hand threaded through the fur on Dogmeat’s shoulder while the other palm went flat to the ground underneath her. Everything around her almost felt /too real/ since she woke up. Like everything else up until now was made up, or an elaborate dream. She sat back and at the dog tucked under her arm with watery eyes.

“This is real, right?” The dog didn’t respond, probably for the best. “Oh God, everyone I can think of just… gone. Oh Christ, Danny…” She sobbed again, thinking of the other man who she fled to the vault with. He wasn’t even killed, he just… didn’t wake up. He never had a chance.

Dogmeat nudged at her pip-boy, leaving wet smears all over the screen. “Sorry, bud.” She got up onto shaky legs. “I’ll get going soon, so we can make it a few more miles nightfall. I just need a minute to get myself together.” Dogmeat just wagged his tail as Salem rose up. She took a few deep breaths to calm herself and began to pace about, then verbally started taking inventory of what she’d learned so far.

“Right, so ghouls are bad when they’re too far gone but are okay until then. People pay for things in bottle caps.” One hand went to the case in her backpack that jangled with every step she took. “Everything is either a mutant or irradiated now. A lot of people do bad shit to get on, but some folks are farmers.” She pauses to think for a moment. “The world might be recovering. Don’t drink the water.” Something in the distance screeched. Salem paused looked around, then glanced at the divot in the ground where she’d settled briefly. “I should not have sat down where I could be killed in an instant.” Salem got moving again quickly, knowing that without action another breakdown would come. Before the war she’d been intimately familiar with the way such things worked.

The hours spent in silence walking were tense, and a lack of proper distractions eventually forcing Salem to address herself about the elephant in the room.

“I can’t kill myself, I have to find Shaun. Then… I have to take care of him. With Nate gone there’d be no one to…” She sighed. Oh, Nate. You should have made it out of the vault, not me. You were so good with Shaun.

Salem glanced at the gun on her pack.

No. No quitting, no thinking like that. There’s a baby out there somewhere that needs you. You can’t be like Dad. You can not abandon Shaun.

She made an effort to walk a little straighter to go after that, walking alongside Dogmeat towards the skyline of Diamond City with an air of uncertainty surrounding her that weighed heavily in her mind in the form of the word ‘if’. If she can find Shaun. If he’s alive. If she can survive the Wasteland herself. She’d be lying to herself if she saw herself doing well in this new world, especially after taking over sole care of an infant.

She breathed out deeply and rubbed her hands over the back of her neck.

“I am alive. The rest…” She shook her head. “The rest I can worry about later.” Her eyes focused on the road ahead. “I’ll be okay.” She lied.

The two day trip to Diamond City from there was uneventful, only once forcing her to divert from the path marked in her Pip-Boy when she saw a group of shambling figures in the road that seemed to be attacking another group of people who surrounded some sort of pack animal. She wanted to help them, her moral compass still running on the old world standards she’d been raised with, but knew it would be foolish to get involved and allowed Dogmeat to lead her away. After that, the only thing getting done besides walking was shooting up some wildlife for her and Dogmeat to gnaw on during the evening while they rested. All in all, Salem was bored of the wasteland. When she reached the portion of Boston people had begun to reclaim though, things got a hell of a lot less boring.

The trade off for entertainment however, was supermutants. A lot of supermutants. All of whom were armed to the teeth and screaming a the tops of their lungs about death.

“Holy fuckin’ shit.” She whispered. The description Preston had given her did not do them justice. 'Big, green, and nasty.’ His voice repeated in her head.

Salem crept closer to the fighting but kept a wide berth between her and the people she’d assumed to be Diamond City security officers, who were marked with white diamonds and currently entangled with said big green nasties. Dogmeat whimpered softly as the mutants began to close the gap between them and the officers.

“Hell’s bells…” She could only watch in astonished horror as the one of the creatures grabbed an officer in a single gargantuan hand and hoisted him overhead. She averted her eyes and ducked down below the cover of the cement block she and Dogmeat had taken cover behind, feeling ill with the thought of what was about to happen to the man. There was a strangled noise among the gunfire and shouting, the sound of something wet hitting the pavement, and Salem was out of there like a bullet; running as fast as her legs could carry her and clutching her bag like a lifeline.

She reached the gates of Fenway Park breathless and panting from the run, keeling over and holding onto her knees to rest before trying to enter the city.

“What do you mean you can’t open the gate? Stop playing around, Danny! I’m standing out her in the open for crying out loud!” Salem stood up straight at the sound of a familiar name, then took a few hesitant steps closer to the shouting woman at the door once she realized it couldn't be who she wanted it to.

“Sorry, Ms. Piper. I got orders not to let you in, I’m just doing my job.” The woman groaned, going off into a spiel about being the 'scary reporter’.

“Uh.” The woman, Piper she could only assume, turned to her with a positively Cheshire-esque smile, and Salem suddenly was very scared for her life.

“You wanna get inside right?” Piper gestured for her to lean in and after a second of concern Salem did so. “Just follow my lead.” She smiled tightly and nodded as Piper moved back to the intercom.

“What’s that? You say you’re a trader up from Quincy? You have enough supplies to keep the general store going for a month? Well-"Salem blew out a heavy sigh and stepped closer to the receiver.

"Hey, Danny, yeah?” Piper gave her an incredulous look. “So I’m not a trader, but I, like, way need to get in the city. Can you let us in?” There was a crackle, then a noise of resignation.

“McDonough is gonna have my head for this Piper, you owe me big time.” She just laughed joyfully as the gates slid open. They stepped into the hall and Salem felt another pang of sadness course through her, she’d never understood baseball too well but always had a great time here with Nate and his family when they got together for a game. She was so caught up in the moment that Piper had to tap her on the arm to alert her to the approaching Mayor.

“You might wanna hear this, Blue.”

“Piper! Who let you back inside? I told Sullivan to keep that gate shut!” Salem arched a brow and shot a look to Piper, who in turn pressed a finger to her lips in a gesture of 'just watch’.  
“You devious, rabble-rousing slanderer! The… The level of dishonesty in that paper of yours! I’ll have that printer scrapped for parts.”

Salem being who she is, stepped in with her big damn mouth. “Ya’ know, the press is usually a pretty good view of how the people feel about who’s in office. Might wanna listen in occasionally. Power to the people and all that jazz.” The mayor turned, bewildered, and Piper nodded approvingly at Salem.

“Ha! See, McDonough? The newcomer gets it.”

“Oh, I didn’t mean to bring you into this, miss. No, no… You look like Diamond City material!” She shared another knowing look with Piper as she made a rude gesture at the back of the Mayor’s head. Salem was really starting to warm up to this girl. “Feel free to settle down here, spend your money. We are the great green jewel of the Commonwealth after all. Welcome to Diamond City.”

“Right, so…” No reason to beat around the bush Salem figured. “I heard something about finding kidnapped people here.” She could practically see his spine melt into his shoes.

“Wow, McDonough, looks like not everyone is own over by that shark smile of yours.” He cleared his throat, obviously uncomfortable with the question.

“Now, now, no need for that. Was there anything particular you came here for? You mentioned finding someone?”

“Uh huh, sure, well I’m looking for someone to talk to about finding a missing person.” Hell would have to freeze over before Salem would give up everything to guy in leisure suit.

“Well don’t bother going to Diamond City Security for help.” Piper griped.

“Well, they can’t follow every case that comes through, though you should be able to find a citizen of Diamond City who can help you.” Salem rolled her eyes at McDonough. Of course the useless bureaucracy would be one of the few things to survive the apocalypse.

Piper sighed. “So who’d ya’ lose, Blue?” She cut in before McDonough could continue.

“A baby boy got kidnapped. He’s only about four months old. That’s who I’m looking for.” Piper’s previously triumphant face at McDonough’s squirming fell to a sympathetic one.

“I’m so sorry… But,” Piper rounded on the Mayor. “I want the truth McDonough, why do you and security always shrivel up when it comes to missing people?” Salem made a note of that, to tell Preston he had the wrong idea about Diamond City.

“That is it! I have had enough of this, consider you and that little sister of yours on notice, Piper.” She just sneered as he huffed back to the door he came in through.

“You know, you should come see me once you’re free. I think you’d be perfect for a story I’ve got in mind.” Less than a week in town and I’m already the talk of the tabloids, go me! Salem snorted internally, then nodded for Piper to take her leave.

Salem was still for a while after that, processing what was going on around her. She took a few more steps towards the door Piper and McDonough had gone through then stopped again to fix her hair and settle her nerves before entering the city. She worked her fingers through gingerly, her hair now greasy and full of dust from traveling, pulling out tangles and straightening it out as much as possible; then decided to skip the braid and simply tie it back into a bun using the same red ribbon when she noticed the bald security officer giving her the once over from the other side of the room over the rims of his dark tinted sunglasses. She shuddered, having seen that kind of look far too often in her life; usually when she found herself walking home alone after work in the evenings.

He’s probably no one, don't worry about it. She finished quickly regardless of her assurances and slipped inside the city without another thought. The sight she was greeted pushed the discomfort to the back of her mind and the air from her lungs.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so salem has something of a breakdown, and its revealed that her father killed himself too which makes her even more dedicated to not doing so now that she is shauns only guardian. she makes it to boston and meets piper + mc donough with a cameo from someone who will be v important later before she makes it inside
> 
> and the song for this chapter is carry on - fun.

**Author's Note:**

> chapter title stolen from odds are - barenaked ladies


End file.
